Speakers from UAW Region 5 are well known for their jokes. Here are some of the ones they told at the Retiree Seminar on April 12:
A lady takes a dead duck to the doctor. The doctor says, "OK, the duck's dead. That'll be $100." The lady insists that there must be something the doctor can do, so he puts the dead bird into his cat's mouth. Then he removes it and puts it into a birddog's mouth. He hands it back to the lady and says, "Duck's dead. That will be $200!" The horrified lady complains about the new charges, but the doctor declares, "The Cat-scan and Lab-work were $50 each!"
There was a preacher who brought 3 jars to Sunday school. One contained ordinary earth, one contained cigarettes, and the third contained liquor. He put an earthworm into each of the jars. Two of them died immediately. The preacher asked his congregation what they might learn from this, and one little old lady responded, "If we smoke and drink, we won't get worms!"
A speaker asked for a definition of "an Irish vacation." His answer was: "A different bar." He explained how to tell a Southern zoo from a Northern zoo: "The cages in a Southern zoo have a description of the animal and the recipe." He said a Northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time," but a Southern fairy tale begins, "Y'all ain't going to believe this crap!"
During a family vacation in Jerusalem, a man's mother-in-law died. He insisted on shipping her back to the States even though it was much cheaper to bury her in the Holy Land. He explained, "They speared Jesus, nailed him on a cross, and put him in a crypt, but he came back to life. I don't care what it costs, send my mother-in-law back across the Atlantic. I'm not taking any chances!"
Madalene
Stribling of UAW-Ford Benefits said, "You have to be specific." She
pressed one hand to her chest and told a story about a little boy who was born
with a crippled left hand. He prayed to God, "Please make my hand like
the other one." Then she shoved her right hand to her chest, too.
CAP Rep Ron Spurlock said our problems are too worrisome for joking. He added,
"The only joke out there is Tom Delay, and I'm hoping he'll be going away
soon."